5 Reasons Divorcing A Narcissist Feels Like War

You can’t negotiate with a narcissist , and that’s exactly what makes this kind of divorce so draining.

While you can’t make it all “okay,” you can make the process a little less overwhelming for them. There is no one “right way” to talk to your kids – it’s different for every family and every situation.

Here are 5 Tips for talking to your kids . . .

Narcissists are driven by rage and fragility

Emma wants to negotiate a fair custody schedule, but every time she gets close to an agreement, her ex suddenly changes his demands. One day he wants full custody, the next he insists on 50/50, but with unreasonable conditions. It wasn’t about the kids; it was about making her feel powerless.

🧨 Narcissists prioritize feeling superior over reaching a reasonable outcome. They’ll change their demands just to feed their need for power and control.

Narcissists love litigation

Jonie’s ex dragged out their divorce for nearly three years, filing unnecessary motions and refusing to settle. He thrived on the constant battle, showing up in court as if it’s his personal stage. He turned every hearing into an opportunity to grandstand and paint himself as the victim.

🧨 Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict, making the stress of discovery and court hearings feel like a playground for them. Remember – narcissists love litigation.

Narcissists aren’t interested in compromise

Sarah’s ex refused to agree on anything, even when the proposed settlement was in his favor. He only budged when her attorney framed the agreement as a “win” for him, appealing to his ego rather than logic.

🧨 For a narcissist, resolving a divorce is about winning, not about finding common ground. They’ll often only settle if they feel like they’re coming out on top.

Narcissists use children as pawns

After years of barely engaging with their son, Thea’s ex suddenly wanted sole custody. He wanted revenge so he filled their child’s head with lies, telling him that his mom didn’t love him. Once the case closed and he “won,” he returned to being an absent parent.

🧨 Narcissists may ignore their kids during the marriage, but once the divorce begins, they often see them as trophies to control. This often causes long-term emotional damage.

Narcissists feel a sense of financial entitlement

Despite earning less than her husband, Laura’s ex demanded spousal support, arguing that he “deserved” a lifestyle upgrade. He insisted on keeping a vacation home he never visited, just so Laura couldn’t have it.

🧨 Narcissists feel entitled to more than their fair share. They often push for alimony or child support that goes beyond what’s reasonable, just to “keep score” and maintain their sense of superiority.

Tips On How To Prepare

✅ Protect yourself emotionally, legally, and financially. Surround yourself with support (therapist, coach, friends, family) who will help you stay grounded.

✅  Expect them to play mind games, drag out the process, and resist compromise. Stay focused on facts, not feelings.

✅  Get a strong legal team that understands high-conflict divorce. Document everything. Create strong boundaries.

✅  Reframe, reframe, reframe. Why? It’s a science-backed strategy that involves thinking about a challenging situation in a more positive way. And it works. Remind yourself that this is not just about you leaving them, it is about you reclaiming you.